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Christmas Greetings

The following medical terms made us giggle during 2016 – hat tip to ASM et al.

Abdomen – Don’t ab the women
Anus – We’re not to blame
Artery – Study of painting and graffiti
Bacteria – Rear entrance to the cafeteria
Barium – What undertakers do
Benign – What you be – before you be ten
Caesarean section – A suburb of Rome
Cancer – Confirming your actions to the boss
Capillary – Put a stop to Clinton’s ambition
Cauterize – Made eye contact with her
Colon – Pay a visit
Coma – A short punctuation mark
Cystoscopy – A replica of a Greek warrior
Doctor – Gave her a loaf!
Dilate – To live for another while
Enema – Nether-regions Medical Association
Expectant – Cough medicine
Fester – Not as quick as Festest
Fibula – A small lie
Gene – One leg of trousers
Hospital porter – Medically-safe Guinness
Ibuprofen – I be not disproven
Impotent – Almost very well known
Inpatient – Easy-going cricketer waiting for somebody to be out
Labour pain – Political torment
Morbid – A higher offer
Mumps – Ma’s afterthought
Nitrates – After-hours pay
Node – Knew it!
Nurse – Wasn’t us!
Outpatient – A healthcare recipient who has smoked weed
Paracetamol – Voracious army officers
Pelvis – Epresley retrospective
Post-operative – Works for An Post
Protein – A youth supporter
Prostate – Lying flat without ‘er
Recovery room – Upholstery area
Rectum – Almost killed him
Secretion – Clandestine atom
Seizure – Roman Emperor with speech impediment
Terminal illness – Sick of airports
Trauma – It’s the beach mother!
Vagina – A guy from Virginia
Vein – Getting orthodontic work on one’s front teeth
Vitamins – Essential measure of time

And a few classic seasonal riddles:-

Q. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary
alphabet?
A. The Christmas alphabet has no L.

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
A. Subordinate clauses

Q. What’s an IG?
A. An Eskimo house with no loo.

We would like to wish all our clients a very safe, happy and enjoyable Christmas. Thank you for your loyalty and support over the years. We sincerely hope you get to greet all your loved ones over the holiday season! Very best wishes for 2017 and beyond from all at MMPI!

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